While I generally agree with you about what kind of comparison is constructive, there's a risk of invalidation to the patient presenting their way of comparison as destructive. The patient might think "I do things that make me miserable so I'm incompetent at living". So I would like to see a benefits analysis of "destructive" comparison, eg it's easier to do.
Well, I'm not sure what everything on your comparison list mean but comparing results are way easier than comparing processes and comparing with peers are useful to have knowledge about strengths and weaknesses of both others and yourself. Ig eg someone is better at counting than you it might be better for that person to do economic planning. It could be very useful to know if someone is good at throwing parties, interested in fashion, likes sports etc and that comes from comparison. Society would probably collapse without comparison. Some people do this in destructive ways of course.
Compare(!) smoking to eating stones. No one is eating stones because there is no use for it. A lot of people smoke although they'll get diseases from it. So there is a rational helpful reason to smoke but with bad side effects and validating that (and the side effects) will be useful in therapy. If people do something, that has a use for them and that should be acknowledged in therapy so you don't create unnecessary resistance falling unconsciously in the trap "why do you do stupid thing when you can do smart things".
> "If people do something, that has a use for them and that should be acknowledged in therapy so you don't create unnecessary resistance falling unconsciously in the trap 'why do you do stupid thing when you can do smart things'."
This makes sense. There is often a coherent "emotional truth" to why someone does something i.e., some with an addiction to alcohol or other substances. If we seek to understand, we get to learn beyond what they "will say," and learn more about the "won't say" and "can't say".
Totally accurate when you said it's much easier to compare results than to compare processes. Much easier for a police force to count how many fines they give out than to "count" the effects of a policer officer making himself visible on the street than prevented speeding and accidents.
In relations to your point about "knowledge of strengths and weaknesses," It's useful to know where you stand, and what your gift to the world might be.
I take your point about therapists unwittingly judging a client for doing something "stupid". The larger point I'm trying to raise here is the heightened effects of comparison in our culture at this point in history.
Here's what Dr K (@healthygamer) said in an interviewer:
> If I log on to Facebook or Instagram, this person is having a birthday party. This person is having every time I log on, everyone is having a blast. But this is 365 people who each have one birthday party. I get one birthday party a year, but any time I look at social media, it seems like everyone is always having fun. It's not everyone. It's just one person is having fun today. One person is having fun tomorrow. Everyone just gets one birthday here. But when we see it, we see everyone is having fun and I'm not having fun. So this makes us feel bad about ourselves
Terrific that you're citing Hans & Ola Rosling's work!
While I generally agree with you about what kind of comparison is constructive, there's a risk of invalidation to the patient presenting their way of comparison as destructive. The patient might think "I do things that make me miserable so I'm incompetent at living". So I would like to see a benefits analysis of "destructive" comparison, eg it's easier to do.
interesting! it would help to give a specific example here.
Well, I'm not sure what everything on your comparison list mean but comparing results are way easier than comparing processes and comparing with peers are useful to have knowledge about strengths and weaknesses of both others and yourself. Ig eg someone is better at counting than you it might be better for that person to do economic planning. It could be very useful to know if someone is good at throwing parties, interested in fashion, likes sports etc and that comes from comparison. Society would probably collapse without comparison. Some people do this in destructive ways of course.
Compare(!) smoking to eating stones. No one is eating stones because there is no use for it. A lot of people smoke although they'll get diseases from it. So there is a rational helpful reason to smoke but with bad side effects and validating that (and the side effects) will be useful in therapy. If people do something, that has a use for them and that should be acknowledged in therapy so you don't create unnecessary resistance falling unconsciously in the trap "why do you do stupid thing when you can do smart things".
Hi Joacim,
you said,
> "If people do something, that has a use for them and that should be acknowledged in therapy so you don't create unnecessary resistance falling unconsciously in the trap 'why do you do stupid thing when you can do smart things'."
This makes sense. There is often a coherent "emotional truth" to why someone does something i.e., some with an addiction to alcohol or other substances. If we seek to understand, we get to learn beyond what they "will say," and learn more about the "won't say" and "can't say".
Totally accurate when you said it's much easier to compare results than to compare processes. Much easier for a police force to count how many fines they give out than to "count" the effects of a policer officer making himself visible on the street than prevented speeding and accidents.
In relations to your point about "knowledge of strengths and weaknesses," It's useful to know where you stand, and what your gift to the world might be.
I take your point about therapists unwittingly judging a client for doing something "stupid". The larger point I'm trying to raise here is the heightened effects of comparison in our culture at this point in history.
Here's what Dr K (@healthygamer) said in an interviewer:
> If I log on to Facebook or Instagram, this person is having a birthday party. This person is having every time I log on, everyone is having a blast. But this is 365 people who each have one birthday party. I get one birthday party a year, but any time I look at social media, it seems like everyone is always having fun. It's not everyone. It's just one person is having fun today. One person is having fun tomorrow. Everyone just gets one birthday here. But when we see it, we see everyone is having fun and I'm not having fun. So this makes us feel bad about ourselves