Frontiers Friday #80. Grief, Loss & Heartbreak (Part IV)
Frontiers Friday #78. Grief, Loss & Heartbreak (Part IV)
"There's one more thing I want to talk about."
"Okay. What's on your mind?" I asked.
"The Ukraine war."
He couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He is overwhelmed by a heartbreak for those who are underseiged by Putin's regime. I share this moment with him.
In fact, we all do.
I've met about 20 people this week. Nearly all of them had Ukraine in their minds.
Most of us feel like there is nothing within our power that we can do. This client, wrote to companies, thanking them for their sanctions, donating to causes to help Ukrainians.
Our grief needs a vessel, shaped by our intentions and actions. One 2019 study argued that the emotion "being moved," should be categorised as a distinct emotion in and of itself (If you are interested, here's the study in my folder).
Let this grief move you into acts of fierce kindness.
Divisive
The schism that is happening in our world, is also happening within families. From the son who has to testify against his father who is stand trial for storming the US Capitol, to parents living in Russia who cannot fathom that their children stuck in Ukraine are acutally being invaded by the Russians (see also #DADBELIEVE).
When we read the news, the news will implict you. It will read you back on how you are leading your life, how are you taking moments to absorb the faces of your children–how precious this life is.
Turn your thoughts to a prayer. If you are not a praying kind, that's ok. Turn your thoughts into a moment of a shared thought––a collective mind––that we are of one mind, against violence and wishing the people of Ukraine peace.
p/s: If historians are correct, we are indeed in the "fourth turning" i.e., era of Crisis. (I talked about this in ). My hope is that when we get to the first turning i.e., era of renewal, we become less focused on individual good and more on of a common good. The late Rabbi Jonathan Sacks talks about this in his last book, Morality.
Ok. If you opened this email and didn't want to hear me rant about the state of affairs, I apologise. As promised, here's the big Five for this Frontiers Friday.
📕 Read: Lessons of Loss
As I was preparing for this series on the topic of Grief, I revisited a book that I found in Feb 2008. Admittedly, it was photocopied.
This book by Robert Neimeyer, along with Lorraine Hedtke and John Winslade's book Re-Membering Lives (see , were instrumental to my understanding on the topic of loss.
In 2008, I was working with an elderly man who experienced profound sense of loss when his wife passed away. She wass omeone he had entirely relied upon for his everyday and emotional needs.
When we lose someone, we are lost.
This simple table below from Lessons of Loss provided some kind of "relief and confirmation" and what I should be doing when I first say this.
👓 Watch: How Does Grief Change Over Time
My good mate and all-round soulful fella, Duane Smith sent me this BBC video last year.
📽 Movie: Penguin Bloom
Based on a true story, Naomi Watts stars as Sam Bloom, a woman who survives a serious injury, as everyone in the family struggles to adjust, especially her oldest son who was highly sensitive (more on the topic of Highly Sensitive Persons in future Frontiers Friday).
Strangely, an unlikely injured Magpie develops a relationship with the family, teaching her how to live again.
For more, read this.
👓 Watch: A love letter to realism in a time of grief
From TED. "When faced with life's toughest circumstances, how should we respond: as an optimist, a realist or something else? In an unforgettable talk, explorer Mark Pollock and human rights lawyer Simone George explore the tension between acceptance and hope in times of grief -- and share the groundbreaking work they're undertaking to cure paralysis."
⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:
"Acceptance is knowing that grief is a raging river. And you have to get into it."
~ Simone George
Reflection:
Ask your client, "What has been on your mind?" And don't stop there. Ask "What else?"
(Don't forget to ask yourself that too.)
Thoughts are tenants in our minds. Notice and them. Not all thoughts should be treated like clouds, as they say in mindfulness parlance "letting them come and go." Don't deny them or cognitively dispute them away just yet. Let them have a voice. Let it be shared. Let it move us.
BIG HUGS TO NEW PEOPLE WHO ARE AT THEIR FRONTIER!
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