Frontiers Friday #77. Grief, Loss & Heartbreak (Part I)

Frontiers Friday #77. Grief, Loss & Heartbreak (Part I)  

There are so many different topics that a therapists need to be familiar with. One of the big ones that is inescapable is the topic of grief. 

As Stephen Jenkinson points out, we are a culture that is death phobic.

Loss and heartbreaks are not things to avoid. They are our teachers on how to live. If we tune in, all of us are beckoned to the apprenticeship of grief. 
 

---

1. Read: Die Wise
   Stephen Jenkinson's work was first introduced to me by Scott Miller. To me, his book on Die Wise is a must-read. 
   His words are at times difficult to digest. It was like reading poetry; you gotta give time to let it sink in and re-read.
   There is also a sort of penetrating "clarity of mind" in the way he conceives the notion of death. He also touches on sub-topics like euthanasia/assisted dying, palliative care. 
   Key grafs: 

   - "Dying well is not the end of parenting, but the fullness of parenting, not the end of a marriage, but the last great act of married life."
   -  "Seeing the end of your life is the birth of your ability to love being alive."
   - On the topic of a "managed death": "Expecting to live is training wheels on the spaceship of our entitlement."
   - "The body has the genius of a natural thing, and it knows how to obey the accumulation of time, wear and tear, disease and symptoms."
   - "There is such a thing as knowing how to be heartbroken. You cannot treat heartbrokenness or suffering, nor can you manage them nor contain them nor make them less of what they are or must be. You make a place for them, just as you make a place for things in life that  you bargain for and benefit from and approve of..."
   - "Making a place for them means inviting human sorrow to the table as you would any guest unexpectedly appearing at your door at mealtime."

   (Sidenote: I wrote a note on my copy of Die Wise that I started reading Die Wise on  26th May 2020; the day our book Better Results was released). 
    

2. Watch: The Grief Walker
   I watched this documentary before reading his book. This is about Jenkinson's work in palliative care in Canada. 

   Key grafs: 

   - It's easy to be grateful for the good stuff, but how about being grateful for the ugly stuff.
   - His story of counselling a minister who was dying. Still continued to preach every Sunday, but did not speak of his dying. "That's not what they come to church for" When Jesus was going to die, he spoke of it. His death was the food for his apostles. (The Last supper). but not speaking about the pastor's dying, he was denying his people food. 
   - To a mother who was dying: How you die will determine how your family will live. 
   - Grief is a skill.
    

   Watch the Trailer: 
   

   

   
   You can purchase Grief Walker from Jenkinson's website directly.
    

3. From My Desk (Archives): What is the Outcome to Focus on When Someone is Dying?

   

   About my grand auntie who cared for me when I was younger...
   When we meet someone at an edge state, we must resist the urge to provide an anaesthetic experience.
    

4. Art: Grief Deck
    

   

   There are stuff that are beyond words. I can't recall how I found this, but the collection of art work/ flashcard prompts on grief is moving. 
    

5. ⏸ Words Worth Contemplating:

   "Grief is a way of loving that which has slipped from view...
   Love is a way of grieving that which it has not yet done so." 

   ~ Stephen Jenkinson

Reflection:  

Re-read the words regarding the twin relationship of grief and love. "Grief is a way of loving... Love is a way of grieving..."
 

BIG HUGS TO NEW SUBSCRIBERS WHO WANT TO BE AT THEIR FRONTIER!

If you've just joined us, I'm glad you can join us at the "bleeding edge." Feel free to check out the back catalogue of Frontiers of Psychotherapists Development (FPD).  You might also want to go into specific topics in the FPD Archives like

• Clinical Supervision

• Deliberate Practice

• Feedback Informed Treatment

• First Principles

• First Sessions

• Personalised Learning

• Podcast

• Reimagining Education in Psychotherapy

• Self-care

And if you want to see past newsletters, click here.

In case you missed it, see the most recent missives 

 (3 Parts)

(3 Parts)

 (4 Parts)

Unintended Consequences (2 Parts)

 (4 Parts)

(6 Parts)

 (3 Parts)

(5 Parts)

 (6 Parts)

(2 Parts)

My other blog site is called FullCircles: Reflections on Living


By the way, don't feel bad if you want to unsubscribe to this newsletter. This might not be for you. The last thing I want is to add to the anxious clutter of our inboxes.