Frontiers Friday #53. Empathy (Part II)
Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development
Frontiers Friday #53. Empathy (Part II)
Here's part II of the topic on Empathy.
(In case you missed it, here's the first five recommendations in )
New From My Desk: Father-Figures and The Good Ancestor
A piece I recently wrote for the Redemptorist Monastery. I've re-circulated this in my other blog, Full Circles: Reflections on Living.
With gratitude to all father-figures on Fathers' Day.
Watch: Empathic Listening, Carl Rogers
I haven't found counselling and psychotherapy textbooks doing justice to the work of Carl Roger's and his profound contribution to the field.
I highly recommend that you get a chance to watch him in conversation. He was a real pioneer in insisting that therapy sessions be recorded and analysed.
They are some clips available online. If you have access to Alexander Street Press (University libraries might subscribe to them), you can look it up. If not, try the Milton Erickson Foundation online store..
Here's a link to some notes I took based on a clinical demonstration that Rogers conducted with a lady in her mid-30s, who lost her twins and unable to get pregnant. Feelings of being a failure. ambiguous loss.
Watching several of Rogers in action, I'm struck by the fact that he rarely asks a question! However, his dynamic empathic reflection seemed to have the ability to move the conversation deeper.
This recommended clip is one with Rogers talking to a group of students on empathic listening.
Bookworm: Empathy
I referenced Roman Krznaric work in The First Kiss. His work offers us a reminder to look more towards "outrospection" than introspection, more perspective getting than perspective taking (i.e., literally asking someone vs making mental leaps in our heads).
Movie: The Sound of Metal
Good stories told well have an embodied way to move us towards empathy. This movie is about a drummer who loses his hearing and him confronted with his dark history and addiction.
Stellar acting by Riz Ahmed. It is on Amazon Prime.
(Tip: The sound design of this movie is so well done. Experience this show with a good sound system or a headset).
Words Worth Contemplating:
Ghandi's Talisman
One of the last notes left behind by Gandhi in 1948, expressing his deepest social thought:
"Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test.
Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself,
if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her].
Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny?
In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?
Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away."
Reflection: Who are the father-figures in your life? Who took the time guide you in a deep way? Many clients that I've asked don't have any. Masculinity has gotten a bad-press of late, but true father-figures are so much needed in a father-hungry world. How do you become a father? A child comes into the picture. How do you become a father-figure? A child chisels you, breaks your well-intended expectations and inflicts backaches and heartbreaks. How do you become a father-figure in the family? You lead. How do you become a father-figure if you have no child? You lead. Both responses are the same.
(For more, read this).
Random Dream...
As I was preparing today's newsletter, I suddenly recall that last night, I dreamed I had a meeting with Irvin Yalom. Bizarre. His wife and son were there. He looked frail but entirely engaged and interested in our meeting. I was all nerves...
Anyway, random dreams aside, HAPPY FATHERS' DAY to all Father-Figures!
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