Frontiers Friday #26. Caregiving
Frontiers of Psychotherapist Development
Frontiers Friday #26. Caregiving
A change of gear from the world of music from the few weeks of our newsletter.
We touch on the topic of caregiving today.
Caring is not curing.
Cure must be a manifest of Care, as care is most important.
Read: The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron Ph.D.
Many people who struggle with anxiety and depression are often overrepresented by people with a highly sensitive person (HSP) personality.
Also, it should come as no surprise that many in the helping professional are sensitive people too.
Here's an excerpt from a book that I will talk more about in the future, which is on the topic of Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP) from the perspective of a child.
“The Infant/Body’s Message
1. Please don’t make me handle more than I can. I am helpless when you do this, and I hurt all over. Please, please, protect me.
2. I was born this way and can’t change. I know you sometimes think something awful must have made me this way, or at least made me “worse,” but that ought to give you even more sympathy for me. Because either way I can’t help it. Either way, don’t blame me for how I am.
3. What I am is wonderful—I let you sense and feel so much more deeply. I am really one of the best
things about you.
4. Check in on me often and take care of me right at that moment if you possibly can. Then, when you can’t, I can trust that you are at least trying and I won’t have long to wait.
5. If you must make me wait for my rest, please ask me nicely if it’s okay. I’m only more miserable and troublesome if you get angry and try to force me.
6. Don’t listen to all the people who say you spoil me. You know me. You decide. Yes, sometimes I might do better left alone to cry myself to sleep. But trust your intuition. Sometimes you know I am too upset to be left alone. I do need a pretty attentive, regular routine, but I’m not easily spoiled.
7. When I’m exhausted, I need sleep. Even when I seem totally wide awake. A regular schedule and a calm routine before bed are important to me. Otherwise, I will lie awake in bed all stirred up for hours. I need a lot of time in bed, even if I’m lying awake. I may need it in the middle of the day, too. Please let me have it.
8. Get to know me better. For example, noisy restaurants seem silly to me—how can anybody eat in them? I have a lot of feelings about such things.
9. Keep my toys simple and my life uncomplicated. Don’t take me to more than one party in a week.
10. I might get used to anything in time, but I don’t do well with a lot of sudden change. Please plan for that, even if the others with you can take it and you don’t want to be a drag. Let me go slow.
11. But I don’t want you to coddle me. I especially don’t want you to think of me as sick or weak. I’m wonderfully clever and strong, in my way. I certainly don’t want you hovering over me, worried about me all day. Or making a lot of excuses for me. I don’t want to be seen as a nuisance, to you or to others. Above all, I count on you, the grown-up, to figure out how to do all of this.
12. Please don’t ignore me. Love me!
13. And like me. As I am.”
Watch: Sensitive The Documentary
Watch this related documentary on HSP.
Even if you do not agree with the personality profile of HSP, I highly recommend practitioners to watch this moving documentary.
I was surprised to discover Alanis Morrisette being featured in here (If you were a teen in the 90's, you'd know her).
Read: A Spirituality of Caregiving by Henri Nouwen
Nouwen's work has been foundational in my development. Though the languaging in his writings are Catholic oriented, he speaks a universal and tender language.
Nouwen is an instrumental mentor in my life, even though I've never met him.
Two of his other books, Compassion and Adam (I was left weeping when I read Adam) have also been seminal for me on the topic of caregiving.
Read: Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore.
I keep returning to this book from time to time. Thomas Moore's work introduced me to the work of James Hillman, and also made me return to Carl Jung's work on depth psychology. Depth psychology seemed to be lost in common parlance as therapist only talk about "psychodynamic" work when they talk about "going deeper"
Words Worth Contemplating:
“There are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who need caregiving.” ~ Rosalynn Carter
Reflection:
Who has cared for you in a special way that has affirmed life in you?
Deliberate Practice Web-Based Workshop
One of the things we've created the last few months that we are most proud of is this wicked Deliberate Practice web-based workshop.
We completed the journey with the first batch, plus 2 closed-group live webinars to bring the community together. We are so proud of the 40 participants from all over.
We continue to root for you.
Now...The doors are open to register for the 2nd Batch of the Deliberate Practice Web-Based Workshop!!!
Starting from March 15, 2021, Scott Miller and I will take you on a guided 3-month journey by using deliberate practice to improve your work.
It's a life-time access to the content (not a subscription-based).
To find out more and enroll, pls go to this link. Space is limited to 40 and we already have folks who signed up.
Don't forget to use the exclusive 15% discount code at the checkout: BETTERRESULTSTEAM
Oh, and if you bought the Better Results book already and are keen to join the web-based workshop, drop us an email with your receipt and we will give another $50 off, on top of the 15% discount
WELCOME DEVOTED THERAPISTS NEW ON THE FRONTIERS!
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My other blog is Full Circles: Reflections on Living